MIRACLE FISHING CAP
C. M. WIGGLE BAIT CO.
I am offering up a few of these limited edition caps, hoping that some of the World's estimated 200 Million Fishermen & Women might be interested in one. They are High Quality Hats, not crappy cheapos. They have a neat side pocket, (zippered) for your fishing license, or for your emergency quarter* The back strap is a Velcro adjust, so it will fit almost any sized dome. They are of a low overall profile so that your head will not look like some kind of strange mushroom, nor will they give you that "towering forehead" effect. They are black with a custom fish logo featuring my artwork. All the artwork and lettering is embroidered, it is not some inferior "iron-on" patch. The hat also features my extra catchy logo...
"Fish just gobble them up"
They are $23.50 (as my cost is rather high due to the extreme quality) However at this price I am offering to ship one to you at no cost to you... You heard correct...
(within the lower 48)
My goal is to sell one million of these hats, so I will need some help from nearly every fisherman on the planet. These fine caps may well be, the finest, and the "luckiest" fishing caps ever offered, anywhere, throughout all recorded time. Even if you don't really like the hat... I would still encourage you to buy one anyway. "Why?" you ask, because someone you know might really appreciate the hat even if you could care less about it. Or you could simply get a "Miracle Fishing Cap" for its incredible magical properties...
In rigorous testing it has been found that people wearing this "Miracle Fishing Cap" while fishing, catch 36% more fish than the people fishing around them. Now this may seem to be an outlandish claim... but it absolutely proves to be true... time after time, on any body of water, in any conditions, with any type of tackle. This is nothing short of a "Miracle Fishing Cap". In a recent fishing hat test, men wearing the "Miracle Fishing Cap" experienced a significant increase in size. Doesn't every woman want her man to bring her home the bigger fish? This hat is so incredible, it may even change your entire life for the better!! Another test subject reported the re-growth of hair on his bald spot. On close inspection I couldn't really tell, but if this man insists that the hat actually help re-grow some of his follicles, who am I to doubt his word? The "Miracle Fishing Cap" has also been seen to bring incredible results in many other situations as well...
This next true account did not happen at the lake, or during our extensive testing, but at our local bowling alley. I personally observed a friend of mine, (who happened to be wearing one of the "Miracle Fishing Cap" prototypes), bowl a three hundred point game! Not knowing the power of the hat at the time, and sweating profusely, he removed the cap. In the next game he proceeded to bowl a score of 88, and in doing so lost the league championship tournament for us. (Thanks a lot Paul!!)
Ward Johnson of Minneapolis writes, "I went to an unfamiliar lake and was able to limit out on nice walleyes while wearing my C. M. Wiggle Bait Co. hat, thanks cmwiggle!!"
Sue A. from NY writes, "I was able to quit smoking after 36 years, with no weight gain, and no cravings, by wearing my Miracle Fishing Cap to bed one night."
S. O'Hern of Bloomington MN. writes, "I was digging through a trash bin while wearing my Miracle Fishing Cap and found a cigar box full of old marbles that I was able to sell on e-bay for $2,378.00, THANKS!! cmwiggle."
K. Clark from Chanhassen MN. writes, "I shot my first hole in one in my life while wearing my C. M. Wiggle Bait Co. hat, I finished the round with an incredible score of 70, twenty-three strokes under my handicap!!" "WOW!!"
In conclusion... you really may not be able to fully function as a fisherman, or as a human being, without this "Miracle Fishing Cap". So what are you waiting for? Buy a "Miracle Fishing Cap" today, and start experiencing all the joy that is certain to come with its ownership. It may well be, the best investment you ever make.
Please help me with my target of selling...
One Million "Miracle Fishing Caps". The hats will be numbered from 2 to 1,000,000 in the order that the payments are received. Get your ultra low numbers early... by buying early.
The "Miracle Fishing Cap", may well create situations of such overwhelming good luck, that you may not ever want to take your cap off of your head. But we here at C. M. Wiggle, suggest that you do remove it at least twice a week, if only to wash your hair.
*emergency quarter: twenty-five cents to be held in a secure place upon your person in the event that you tip over your canoe and your car keys sink to the bottom of the lake. Of course you still may have to walk to the nearest pay-phone to call your wife to inform her that you are 112 miles from home and would appreciate being picked up at her earliest convenience. (most payphones are now fifty cents, so you may actually need 2 emergency quarters, the zippered pocket in your cap will accommodate up to $4.25 in quarters, but placing this many quarters in this location may block harmful radiation from your cell-phone and could cause lop-sidedness or neck strain. Now you may be thinking that you might not need emergency quarters because of your cell-phone, but please bear in mind that your cell-phone was ruined when you capsized the canoe.) Please also bear in mind that the "Miracle Fishing Cap" can and will aid you in almost all aspects of your life, but for some strange reason this magic does not apply to car keys.
This is a close up of the original artwork on the hat...
This offer may be withdrawn at anytime without prior announcement. People under the age of 18 must get their parents approval before ordering. This offer is limited and is not valid with any other offer, implied or other-wise. Please help me reach my goal of One Million Hats. This offer to buy a Miracle fishing cap contains language and statements aimed fully at parody of existing marketing techniques. If you cant tell that we wrote these claims for your entertainment, we can't help you. The hats are the real deal, your experience with the hat may vary. We do encourage people to respond with personal testimonials regarding their incredible experiences with the "Miracle Fishing Cap." Any testimonials submitted, become the property of C. M. Wiggle Bait Co. and we reserve the right to use them in the future in any manner that we see fit. The logos and artwork associated with the hat have United States copyright protection and you may not use any portion of this ad either, as it is the intellectual property of C. M. Wiggle Bait Co. The hats will be numbered from one to one million and sold in the order of one to one million. If you desire a hat with a personal lucky number or favorite number, requests will be honored with an additional charge of $10.00 US. This is done on a request basis only, and this offer to pick out a specific number between one and one million is only valid if the number is still available. The complete number of hats in this limited edition will set at 1,000,000. Let it also be known that there are in existence five "prototype" hats that are numbered - 1 through 5 PROTO. These hats are not available and are in private ownership. So even though there are one million hats available, it should be public knowledge that there are actually a total of 1,000,005 Miracle Fishing Hats in total. Please also note that Miracle Fishing Hats numbered 56 to 1,000,000 may take up to 7 weeks to arrive at your doorstep. Hats numbered 36-55 will ship immediately upon receipt of your purchase payment. We prefer Money Orders but Pay-Pal is accepted as well. E-checks via Pay-Pal are preferred over regular Pay-Pal, but regular Pay-Pal is preferred over not ordering at all. Personal checks are not accepted, but Cashier's Checks are. Shipping and handling is FREE*. (*within the lower 48 states) to Alaska and Hawaii is an additional $3.00 Australia is $7.50 We aim to ship to fishermen and women the world over. So wherever you are... we will ship you a Miracle Fishing Cap, you will just have to pay for your shipping. Please help me reach my goal of one million Miracle Fishing Caps sold. The lowest numbers are available right now...
DON'T DELAY, GET YOUR HAT TODAY!!
THANK YOU!! CMWIGGLE
*except for those of you living outside the lower 48 states
(recently worn by the winner of the Whitefish Open 2006)
CLICK HERE TO ORDER